Well that didn't work...

I'm wondering if there's something inside me, which is just incapable of following a plan. Logically, I know that I've already lost most of the weight I need to lose, and yet these last pounds, it's impossible to actually lose. Or, seemingly it's impossible.

This, as you may be able to guess, comes after me weighing in this morning, and it didn't go well. I gained three pounds, and find myself creeping back towards ten stone, when not that long ago, I was in the eights.

My clothing, is starting to get tight again, and I threw out all of my larger clothes.

So, what did I do after getting off of the scales this morning, and finding out that I'd gained a lot of weight?

I went to Starbucks, and then to KFC, and then I bought chocolate and simply put, I wound up eating basically my entire days calories, twice!

I am desperate to get to my goal weight, and yet my attitude seems to be, that it won't hurt to just eat this and that and everything else, because I can just work it off later and it won't matter. Only it keeps mattering, and I keep tricking myself into thinking that it doesn't matter.

Refocusing on my diet, seems to be the hardest thing for me right now, and all I can do, is hope that it'll get better soon, before I put all of the weight back on.

Feeling Like a Failure

Is it a healthy attitude, to label yourself a failure? Probably not, and yet that's what I'm finding myself doing. Not only have I not posted for ages, but the reason I haven't posted, is my biggest failure. You've probably guessed what it is, my weight.

Not that long ago, just a few short months to be exact, I had just got back into the eight stones, for the first time since I was seventeen. I was so thrilled, and then it all went wrong.

For reasons I still don't understand, I not only stopped following the whole foods plan which I know I feel better on, but I also stopped following any diet, and overeating again. I've tried over and over these past few weeks to get back on track, and I'll do it for a day or two, and then slip up and start eating all the wrong foods in very large quantities.

As far as tracking goes? I've fallen into habits of tricking myself. I reach the point where I've logged enough food to reach or slightly go over my calorie allowance, and then I'll stop logging food and yet I don't stop eating it.

From pastries to sugary drinks, pizza to copious amounts of chocolate. I've been grabbing at all of it, and I don't know why. Yes, it tastes good, but so does the healthy food. Yes, it's convenient, especially when I'm having poor health days, and can't cook anything. However, I could batch cook in advance on good days, so that the healthy food is just as quick and easy to get someone to grab for me.

My weight keeps creeping up, then I'll get upset, lose a pound or two of it, and then put it back on again. It's gotten to the point where I'm back up at 9st 6lbs. I've been yo-yoing between this weight and a pound heavier for weeks.

Exercise has basically disappeared from my daily life. I always have a new excuse, and sometimes it's a good one, like I'm really unwell (I've been having a lot of bad days lately). Sometimes, it's awful excuses, such as, I'm binge watching Lie to Me on Netflix, and I don't want to turn it off to do a workout. Told you it was an awful excuse.

I keep trying to motivate myself. I browse weight loss tips, quotes etc on pinterest. I tell myself I'll follow a certain challenge. I make charts for my wall. I set myself goals of when to reach goal weight. Then I ignore all of it and reach for a large bar of chocolate.

Today, I ate 90% wholefoods, only slipping up with two items. I stayed within my calories and I felt so proud of myself. It reminded me that it isn't all that hard to stick to a diet plan. I just need to get my determination back, because I am so close to goal (though not as close as I was, which is upsetting).

All in all, recently I've been feeling like a failure. I've lost so much, so why can't I get this last bit off? Why can't I follow the plan now?

My hope going forward, is that I can slowly get back into whole foods, and try my best to stay within my calories everyday. As well as get more exercise. I also hope to write more here, and not shy away whenever my weight starts creeping up.

So, the same old refrain from me. I'm doing bad. I hope to do better.

Maybe this time I'll mean it.

Exante | My Thoughts

Hi all,

If you saw my last post, then you'll know that last week I decided to try out Exante diet products. I mentioned in that post, that the products weren't what I was expecting, as I thought it would be prepared ready meal style food, which I've seen other diet companies doing. So going in I was a little hesitant.

Now, a week later, I wanted to tell you how I got on.

In short. I didn't.

On day one, I went in feeling cautiously optimistic, and determined to stick to the plan. I started by having one of the pancake sachets for my breakfast, which tasted ok but not great, and it was significantly smaller than I'd been expecting.

For lunch I decided to try out the coconut shake, which I really did not like, and by this time I was so hungry. My mom, who's a nurse practitioner, was already worried about the extremely low calories, so after having two products, I gave up. I just couldn't. I was so hungry.

I have used a few of the products this past week, but I've been adding in real food as well to get to my 1,200 calorie allowance, because I didn't want to be that hungry on a diet. To me, if you're feeling that hungry, then it's not a healthy diet.

I lost a pound this past week, but I can't say it's because of Exante at all, because I didn't really use many of the products. The ones I did try, weren't great, and I was disappointed, because it was nothing like what was advertised on their site. As show, by the image example below of what's on their site, and what the products actually look like.

All in all. I was really not impressed by this diet plan. The food didn't taste great, the portions were really small, and it was nothing like what I thought I'd be getting. I am much happier following a healthy eating plan, of whole foods.

Exante: Tester Week

Hi all,

I feel like I've been writing nothing but a string of posts, saying how badly I'm going and how I'm planning to get back on track. So, yeah, this is unfortunately another one of those posts.

At the start of the year, I had 11lbs left to go to get to goal weight. For one week, I stuck to my wholefoods diet really well, only straying from it about twice. I started exercising more, though not as much as maybe I could have, and was determined to do well. I lost a pound that week, and I was disappointed that it wasn't more, but determined to keep going.

Then, cookies, pizza, chocolate and takeaway happened. The difficulty is, if those foods are around my house, I have very little self control. I live with my family, five adults in one house, so I don't have sole control over what food is sat in view. So then I eat it, enjoy it, feel terrible for doing it, and then do it all over again. It's a problem.

The other issue, is that on my good health days, I'm in charge of the cooking, but when I have my frequent bad days, it's harder to get a good meal. My parents both work, as does my sister, and my brother has been unwell himself recently. Making it hard to avoid going to the local takeaway.

So after week two of January fell into a pit of eating so badly, not just bad food but over calories, to the point that I'd log food into myfitnesspal until it showed me going over, then I'd just stop adding but not eating. I gained 3lbs on the scale today. I was gutted.

I knew something had to be done, and I thought what better way to get myself kick started again, than to have all my meals already planned out and made up. So I started looking into different diet companies, like DietChef and Exante.

I couldn't afford to go for DietChef, and I was drawn to Exante when I noticed they had a tester week for just £20. That gives you one weeks worth of breakfast, lunch and dinner. It's a VLCD plan, which I've never done before, and I am a little worried about dropping my calories so much. However, I am only going to do it for a week, starting tomorrow.

One thing I'll say from unboxing today, is that it's not what I was expecting. Maybe I should have looked a little deeper into it, but I didn't. I was expecting to have ready meal type food. Instead, it was pouches of dried food. Very small pouches. I'm a little concerned.

I'll be following the Exante plan for one week, eating three pouches of food a day, which I believe total about 700 calories. So lower than I've ever done before on a diet, with my lowest daily allowance usually set at 1,200.

I'm hoping that I'll lost around 3-5lbs this week, and I will be trying to add in as much exercise as I can. Which is proving hard at the moment, after injuring my ribs after a bad fall. So we'll see how that goes.

I'll post an update at the end of the week, letting you know what I thoughts of the products, how much weight I lost, and also my overall thoughts on the diet.